Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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