she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize