I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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