Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
