You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
