oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
