dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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