i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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