We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
