I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
there is glitter all over my balls
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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