dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Randomize
