i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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