Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
