Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
