Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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