what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
