I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
