vagina is talking i cant
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
