addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
