I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Randomize
