wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
