the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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