I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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