Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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