just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
