I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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