My sheets look like a crime scene.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
