His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
pray to the hookup gods
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Randomize
