So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
