Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize