I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
