i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize