We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
It was confusing and full of hummus
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
