After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
All the doctor said was why
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
