Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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