piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
