hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
