Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
