At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Randomize
