Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
