its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
