my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
