He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
