matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
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