You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
