sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
