U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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