i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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