Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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