So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
