The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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