just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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