I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
