one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
50% drunk capacity currently
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
