Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
