My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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