Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
