My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
