how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
