Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
