fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize