I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
