We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize