I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
