You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
