i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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