she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
